Current Events

Us v. Them

I don’t spend a lot of time bemoaning the state of the world. I like to take the long view when it comes to history and, as overwhelming as certain global trends can be, I believe that the world is a good place worth bringing children into. 

That is not to say I am immune to fear.

I worry about climate change and the growing power of ISIS. Like the rest of the world, I saw those babies’ lifeless bodies on the shores of Turkey and thought, “How could things have gotten this bad? What kind of world are we leaving to our children?”

However, there is an undercurrent I’ve noticed when people discuss the problems plaguing our planet and its people. I’ve noticed it when people talk about the refugee crisis in Europe. I’ve noticed it when people talk about Kim Davis. I’ve noticed it when people talk about the Black Lives Matter movement.

Then, as I listened to an episode of This American Life, it really hit home.

#Nuance

Welcome, Beth, who wrote the post I've been meaning to write for WEEKS. 

This summer, the internet appears to have caught a case of False Dichotomy-tosis.  With every opinion on a major news story comes a flurry of memes, charts, and comments announcing that that’s YOUR WRONG OPINION and this is MY RIGHT ASSERTION OF REALITY and our positions on this topic are mutually exclusive.  It seems we need a way to acknowledge that the limited characters in our social media discourse don’t always afford space for a complete expression of thought.  

I hate to diagnose a problem without offering a cure, so here’s my proposal: if you’re posting about current events or other controversial topics (or topics that you can’t believe are controversial but trust-me-they-will-be-when-you-expose-them-to-the-scrutiny-of-your-Facebook-friends), just end the post with #Nuance as sort of a modern footnote telling the reader, “I have more to say but I’m out of time, and you’re out of interest.  Please don’t make a bunch of weird assumptions based on this post, cool?”  I understand that the world really doesn’t need another hashtag, but it seems from scrolling my feeds that we need a short way to introduce some fine print on our tweets and status updates.  

For example: 

Post: Caitlyn Jenner is brave.  #Nuance

#Nuance meaning: My definition of “brave” is expansive, and I see bravery as a broad spectrum of risk-taking worthy of admiration.  By calling Ms. Jenner “brave,” I don’t mean to rule out the possibility that there are other brave people in the world or other people who are markedly more brave than she is.  I don’t qualify all of my statements on bravery because that seems rude.  For example, I wouldn’t say to a friend who just launched a start-up, “hey, that’s brave of you! I mean, obviously not like the bravery of our men and women in uniform or people battling cancer…but I still admire your entrepreneurial spirit.”  Or “My Dad is really my hero…he’s not like, Superman or an astronaut or a Navy Seal.  But, I still hold him in high esteem.”  

Post: Black lives matter. #Nuance

#Nuance meaning: By recognizing the tragedy and existence of institutionalized racism, I don’t mean to discount other lives.  Of course, all lives matter—it’s just that we have some serious systemic problems.  Also, I think almost all police officers are dedicated public servants and heroes.  But a few aren’t, and that hurts everyone, including the excellent police officers.  

Post: I’m totally torn up about Cecil the Lion. #Nuance

#Nuance meaning: By expressing my sadness about the senseless death of one of Earth’s most magnificent creatures, I don’t intend to display callousness about anything else, including (but not limited to) other endangered species, abused animals, children, the unborn, individuals living in poverty, dentists who don’t slaughter wild animals, etc.  I also don’t intend to express any opinion about (1) the type of hunting that, say, your uncle does, (2) eating meat, or (3) global climate change. 

Post: I think Mike Huckabee’s comments on the Iran deal disqualify him from serving as Commander in Chief. #Nuance

#Nuance meaning: I don’t know much about the Iran deal because I haven’t read it, and I bet you haven’t either.  I also don’t pretend to understand all of the social, economic, cultural, historic, and religious forces that influence Middle Eastern dynamics.  That said, I think the Iran deal is scary, too.  What I’ve heard worries me.  But I think references to World War II should only be used to talk about what actually happened during World War II.  I think speaking only in hyperbole jeopardizes our ability to rationally debate ideas.  And I think the leader of the free world ought to be more sensitive and careful than that

Post: Donald Trump shouldn’t be Commander in Chief. #Nuance

#Nuance meaning: I, too, am fed up with the gridlock in Washington and politics as usual.  I don’t trust most politicians, and I worry about the state of our government.  I think we need leaders who have demonstrated success outside of government to have any chance at reforming government.  However, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want a POTUS with some knowledge of foreign affairs (aside from incendiary talking points) and some level of humility. 

Post: Hillary Clinton should never have used her private email at work. #Nuance

#Nuance meaning: Yes, I’m a woman.  And I would very much like a woman to be president.  But, more than that, I value transparent and open government.  I would also like our POTUS to be more cognizant of cybersecurity issues and to be willing to be inconvenienced by 50 devices if that’s what it takes to keep our information safe. What’s that? Oh…yes, I would feel the same way if Ms. Clinton were male. 

Here’s the thing: we don’t have to stake out these extremes, and doing so is reductive and unworthy of our democracy.  Our social media discourse matters, so we should elevate it by asking questions, fleshing out ideas, and, respectfully engaging with each other.  If we can’t or won’t do those things, we can at least stop assuming that someone is against everything we believe in based on a single tweet.  You can believe in gun control and care about the Second Amendment.  You can acknowledge the existence of man-made climate change and God (for that matter, you can even acknowledge global warming on a snowy day).  You can be against drug use and pro-legalization.  You can pray every night and believe prayer in school is problematic.  We can and should examine our positions and allow for depth in both our own perspectives and the perspectives of others.  Go forth and tweet, facebook, and blog—just make space for the entirety of the conversation.    

Beth is a mom, wife, sister, friend, and HR executive. She's also on a journey to become a yoga teacher. She likes watermelon, reality television, and politics.

This post sparked a discussion between Beth and I ... that turned into an idea... that turned into a podcast - Pantsuit Politics!

Why I still stand with Planned Parenthood

My first job out of college was at Planned Parenthood of Central North Carolina. I ran the Emergency Contraception Hotline. EC was still by prescription only so all day long I would take calls and fax out prescriptions. I liked to tell people I prevented more abortions in that year than most people do in their entire life.

I learned a lot that year about Planned Parenthood the organization, about their mission, about the women they serve. I also learned a lot about abortion services and the women and men who provide them through Planned Parenthood.

These were the most dedicated, most compassionate, most authentic people with which I have ever worked.

Three pieces of pop culture I can't stop talking about

Have you encountered me on the street recently? Or had basically any communication with me online or off? Then, you've probably had me harass you about Kacey Musgraves's sophomore album Pageant Material.

Her songwriting is clever and insightful and vulnerable and catchy as hell. She is why I fell in love with country music and is everything that is great about the genre (think Dixie Chicks not the abomination that is bro-country). 

I've fallen so hard for this album I went and bought her FIRST album Same Trailer Different Park AND tickets to see her at The Pageant in September!


So, I'm going to tell you I'm obsessed with UnREAL, a new drama on Lifetime, and you're going to start to roll your eyes but DON'T. I am a TV snob to end all TV snob. I don't watch trash. I don't watch reality television.

However, I WILL watch a smart, expertly written drama about the inner workings of a reality television show modeled on The Bachelor. The show follows Rachel Goldberg, one of the show's producers, as she manipulates the show's contestants while attempting to maintain her humanity. Did I mention the show's creator worked on the actual Bachelor for NINE seasons?

So. Good.


Do you have kids? Wait, scratch that. Do you eat? Occasionally when you eat, do you consume sugar?

Then, watch. this. movie. It's free on Netflix or you can rent it on Amazon. Either way. 

Here's the deal. In the 1970's, my high school had a smoke shack... FOR STUDENTS.

Appalling, right? Insane, right?

Well, there's a reason Mad Men began with advertising cigarettes and ended with advertising soda. In 20 years (hopefully, sooner), we will look back and recognize the lunacy of our current situation.  We allow multi-billion dollar industries poison us and our children. We allow them to PAY schools to sell their poisonous products. We allow them to advertise directly to our children. We allow them to pay off our government so they can continue to lie to us.

It is unethical. It is immoral. It is insanity. 

If I wasn't fed up before this movie, I sure as heck am now. 

Why I’m saying goodbye to Gone with the Wind

In 2nd grade, I developed an obsession with Gone with the Wind. I don’t remember the first time I saw the movie, but I do remember watching it compulsively. I could recite every dress Scarlett wore in the order she wore them. I knew all the details of her life and started collecting Gone with the Wind memorabilia.

I dressed up as Scarlett for Halloween. I named the little black gerbil I received for Christmas Prissy, an incredibly embarrassing personal factoid I have only told a handful of people up until this post.

In high school, I finally read the book. I remember loving the novel even more than the movie and reading the 1000+ pages in a couple of days.

What I don’t remember at any point during my love affair with Gone with the Wind was racism.

Why Caitlyn Jenner deserves the Arthur Ashe Courage Award

My first instinct when reading the angry - and often hateful - responses to Caitlyn Jenner and her gender transition was, "Why do people care?" After all, how does Caitlyn Jenner's journey personally affect anyone outside her own family and friends?

Then, I took a step back.

I realized her journey does affect people. Caitlyn Jenner has made her journey very public and in doing so is asking all of us to fundamentally re-examine our understanding of gender

That is huge. That is scary. I get that. 

But - like I tell my kids - anything worth doing is a little scary.

My thoughts on the Duggar sex abuse scandal

Let me be clear from the beginning. I have never liked the Duggars. I remember watching their first couple of specials when they were still 14 Kids and Pregnant Again! and their particular brand of wholesome never sat well with me. 

I don't believe God uses miscarriages to communicate his dislike of birth control. I don't believe God sends daughters first to help take care of the sons who come later. I don't believe a woman's hair is her "glory" or that modesty is important not to "tempt" men. 

I don't believe a lot of these things. I also don't begrudge Michelle Duggar's right to subscribe to this particular set of beliefs. To me, feminism means choice. If you want to vacuum every day in pearls like June Cleaver, go for it! Just don't tell me - or your daughters - they have to.

The science of parenting: How much time should I spend with my kids?

At least once a week, I have the same conversation. I’ve had this conversation with working moms and stay-at-home moms. It is usually during a meeting or other week night obligation and it always begins with a mommy friend expressing guilt about being away from her kids.

Despite encouragement and reassurance that her kids are fine, I always get the same response, “I just feel like I should BE there.”